Constant Craving

At the beginning of the year I introduced a life style change and while I whole heartedly believe that a plant based diet is the best for the body to enrich and alkalize the body. After being a vegan again, this time for just about 9 months, I've started to mix in lean proteins such as fish and chicken. After feeling really sick and tired and craving a steak like a lion in the jungle, I gave in. I feel a thousand percent more energetic and satisfied. I also noticed when working full time and managing every one's schedules and still settling in to our new life, I was not as and could not get as prepared as I used to be. Sure I could make everything at 10pm when I got home but sitting on the couch with my husband sounded better. I still feel like if I follow a meatless monday and keep the meats to an occasional fare I won't feel like I failed completely. I'm not saying I'm stocking up on ground beef and Hamburger Helper, just being more flexible. I still don't do dairy, no need for any of that and still making veg the plate majority. Sounds pretty balanced to me. So, that's where I'm at now.

labels are for products, not people.

be well

xoL

it's not easy being green

It's not.
It's been almost two months since we moved to Paso Robles. It's great. I've locked down a job at Paso Robles Sports Club as their front desk associate. Also, working with Class Act Dance and School of Performing Arts as a sub and assistant in some classes; still kind of getting my feet wet with them. They are a super classy studio with great ethics, very important, and beautiful dancers. They have a great group of young dancers I'm excited to work with in the upcoming season. The owner and ballet director is a wonderful woman and the jazz director is great too. I'll be a lucky lady to secure the position I'm hoping for with them. The boys are doing great; Oliver is walking and becoming pretty chatty. Jude loves his new gym and has all of the coaches loving him, my sweet little clown. Kenny is super happy at work. Now that I have a job we can seriously look at places.
So all in all we're good.
I, however, have been pretty flexible on the vegan tip. Cheese in this, bites of fish, random shit...not as dedicated as I was before. Not because I don't have time but I've had to succumb to the fact that I don't have a fridge. I don't have my pantry. I don't have a whole lot of money. I had to buy a real bra yesterday; like one with cups and lining and stuff. I haven't had a normal size bra in a while. All good things, however, that costs. My dance pants, yoga pants, whatever, they had holes and were sliding off my hips. All good things, however, that costs. On my feet all day at work, inserts didn't work, need new shoes. All things I didn't take into account. These new expenses put a bit of a damper on the pantry. It's cheap being a vegan; fruit, veg, grain, the occasional fake meat deal. Without the space and limited cash flow it's hard to maintain. I'm not saying I'm eating fish sammies and cheese balls but if it means I can get comfy work shoes, i'm giving in. I was just not eating... that wasn't fun. Maybe I'm doing better than I think. I mean, I do have to make my own dinner 90% of the time. Now that I'm working larabars are my friends, my nalgene is always with me. The sports club lets me use their vitamix for my green smoothies in the a.m. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I'm just dying for my own space.

I feel better now that I got that out.
Thanks :)
xoL

Bon Jour!

Little town, it's a quiet village; every day like the one before. Little town full of little people waking up to say... Bon Jour!
-Belle, Beauty and the Beast

Ok, so that might be what plays in my head every time I drive around town and it might be a little dramatic as I don't remember a Kohl's and a Wal-Mart in Belle's village, nevertheless, this place is teeny tiny and very nice. I mean, it is aesthetically nice but the people are ridiculously nice. Obviously there are a few randoms that don't immediately greet you with a "hey, hello, how are ya!" but they will ask you about the contents of your cart or bring up the fact after reading your unchanged drivers license that you are not from here and Paso is much better than anywhere around LA. When that happens, in my head, is I'm a brown lip lined, flat billed dodger hat wearing chick with gold charmed wrists and I throw up a "LA" flashing my bedazzled acrylics and end it in "what?!" chest pop. Guys, there's a lot that happens in my head. What actually happens is I politely say, "Well, it seems to be a lot different." And I push my cart away, rolling my eyes under my sunglasses.
But let's get real. This place is pretty fly. The cutest homes line streets like Pine, Chestnut, Vine, Park and Oak; 90% are all craftsman style with porches and fenced yards. There are some areas where there aren't even sidewalks. Stop signs up the wahzoo, and if you live downtown you are walking distance to all the fun. Every Tuesday afternoon and Saturday morning there is a farmer's market. Tuesday's is a bit small carrying just some essentials like bread, fruit and veg. Saturday is when everyone comes to play. Tamales, jerky, raw, honey, crafts, art, jewels, and the standard fruit and veg. I went yesterday afternoon with my mother-in-law, Le Ann to my first Tuesday Market. It was glorious. Some cabbages the size of a globe, purple and green next to strawberries that looked like rubies piled high. Onions still connected to their stalk nestled between radishes, sweet potatoes and other root veggies. Bags of spinach and arugula, curly kale, dinosaur kale, swiss chard all for two dollars a bunch. So you say, um, Linds, I can get Kale for 99cents at the store. Sure, what? like 7 stems? Please. Childs play. This is more than 12 stems of kale and chard. I get super pumped about veggies, so sue me. I will be able to get enough fruit and veg for myself and family for a week with a $20 bill. I know farmers markets aren't some new invention but I've never been to one with such a variety. The closest I've seen is the Union Square one in NY; I like that one. I'm going to the one in SLO next week, it's supposedly ranked like, number two in the world. I'm down!
Besides fruit and veggies and nice people, everything is going very well. The husby is so in love with his job which I haven't seen in a very long time; it's very refreshing. We joined Planet Fitness a couple weeks ago. I go everyday, KT joins in when he can. I've just been hired for choreography and director support for Young Performers Theater (YoungPerformersTheater.com). It's a pretty cool gig, 4 weeks of work, great pay and an option to sign on for the next show. There are a few other things in the works that I won't get into just yet as I don't believe in speaking on it until my name is on the dotted line.

Things are looking up
be well
xoL

Follow The Yellow Brick Road

You know when Dorothy's house is in the middle of the tornado and she wakes up and sees all those that she loves and then some that may frighten her? That's what I feel like. I feel like there is so much going on  all around me and all I'm doing is spinning in circles.

mess

papa and his boys at the diner

We had a small going away party this past Saturday. It was really nice. I cried... a lot...obviously. Then my in-laws took Jude up to Paso with them so it would make packing a little easier. Well, turns out, there's still one here! Oliver, while being the best baby ever, is still a damn baby! What was I thinking!? I should've kept my little pod together. Oh well. My house is a wreck; I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm crying right now just thinking of crying. I'm a fucking mess. Pardon the language but that is just where we are right now. 

We all went to San Pedro's treasure, The Pacific Diner for one last family breakfast with Jude before my in- laws left with him. I said, "eh, eff it, I'm gonna have egg whites" I got a vegetarian omelet with egg whites, avo and ortega chile. I forgot to ask for no cheese so I just ate it as is. So good. I devoured the entire thing; I was so hungry from barely eating the day before, the poor omelet had no chance. I was super full until dinner time when, after packing up the kitchen, we ordered italian; I went for eggplant parm. I normally just get a salad with no cheese so it's just lettuce tomato, mushrooms, olives and cucumbers. Not this time. I still feel sick; it was like my brain stopped working. So lets recount this; Breakfast: eggs and cheese; Lunch: nothing; Dinner: cheese and white pasta. My body went through a major shock and my poor husby paid for it!!! oh man, bad, bad news bears. MIS-ER-UH-BLE!!! I was happy to know that while my body was writhing in intestinal pain it knew that this was bad. My body rejected that shit so fast I was kinda of happy to know that I really am not the same. This old girl has done the work and I can't mess with that. 

Still packing, just thought I'd drop in for a sec. 

be well for me. 

i am not at this moment.

xoL

Tommy Can You Hear Me

You know when you watch Romeo and Juliet or Moulin Rouge you hope that this time Romeo will get the courier or Satine never gets sick? That's what happens every year, for the past nine, that I will wake up on this day and the ending will be different. I can't tell you what I ate for breakfast yesterday but I can tell you what I was doing 10 years ago today. A feature of the human brain Im not too fond of. The days you wish never happened are always the most vivid. It seems fuzzy and dizzying at the moment and yet, the next time you think of that time it's as clear as a freshly cleaned window. I was at my boyfriends house, sitting in his garage drinking Jack and Cokes. There was a lingering smell of stale cigarettes and bong water. I was wearing jeans and a oversized quicksilver hoodie. My boyfriend's dad came to the door on the side of the garage and told me my dad was on the phone. It was pretty late so I knew it could only be one of two things something bad happened or I was in trouble. His voice was low as if he had been asleep, but spoke to me like I was a five year old. I couldn't process what he just said so I made him say it again. I repeated back as if I was leaning English for the first time. I had had a drink so he came to get me. We pulled up to my aunts house and my dad gave me some gum in case my breath smelled. When I opened the door everyone looked up with red, teary eyes. I made my rounds and gave hugs to everyone there. I remember a lot more, in detail even, but I don't like to. So here's what I'm going to remember: My cousin, Tommy, was probably the nicest human on the planet. You see, my dad is significantly younger than his siblings so,we, my sister and I, are also significantly younger than our cousins. They never made me feel that way though. Tommy had one of those personalities that you always wanted around; a smile that would brighten anyone's day; gave the best hugs and always knew when you really needed it. Now, I was the oldest out of the "little cousins" so they all gave be a rough time at some point. " Lindsey sandwich", "Lindsey taco", "Lindsey burrito", I was always caught between Tommy and someone, usually his younger brother Michael. He would bribe me with a dollar to walk on his back or karate chop it and for every minute he would give me a dollar. He once told me I was the best dancer he knew and I would be a star. He lived in Colorado as an adult so his visits were random and sporadic but always the best part of the holiday or whatever brought him here. I'm not a religious person but I do know my cousin, my grampa and my grandmama are all together with the rest of our family. I also know that they are always with me watching over my family and I. 10 years and I still cry. I still can't process what happened. I know that accidents happen; I know that the out come is unpredictable. I was in a terrible accident; bad, like, really bad. Why did I get to live? I saw the pictures of my car. I saw where they cut me out. I woke up in that car because someone was watching over me. I love you cousin. No matter what Esper or my sister say, I know I'm your fav ;) Massive hugs. xoL

The Man Of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts

My mom and dad used to take my sister and I on drives out to Hollywood because I loved it so much and I was going to be a star. I'm not actually sure that's the real reason we went out there and I honestly can't remember doing much else on those days but that's what I'd like to imagine. As soon as we spotted the Hollywood sign from the freeway we would sing, "Hah-llywood, dudunananana nah nu nuh." My mom would start with us and then shortly dropped out because she was over it. I persisted with my dad... I'm sure Jess was there, just not sure what she was doing. Because I watched so many old movies with my grandparents, paternal and maternal, I had this idea of Hollywood as if I was straight off the train from Ohio in 1922. I imagined going to Musso and Frank Grill and sitting in Charlie Chaplin's booth with Mary Pickford and  Douglas Fairbanks drinking martini's while noshing on random stuff the chef brought to our table. I loved it. I was pretty devastated when I saw 'Pretty Woman' for the first time and realized "Hollywoodland" was no more.
One of these drives was April 29, 1992. On our way back into San Pedro, coming down the 110 South we saw fire trucks, fire engines, paramedics; everyone was heading north. My dad says, "Oh man, here come the real men! Was that 48s? I wonder..." As quite a few engines and trucks fly past us, away from their own areas, my mom says quietly, "Ronnie, What the hell is going on?" More flashing lights pass us, my dad whispers, "We gotta get home. I think I'm going to have to go in." I was 9, nearly 10, so obviously I knew everything. Even though they whispered I knew something wasn't right the way my mom sat up in her seat as my dad sped home. We turned on the TV and there it was; South Central, now referred to as South Los Angeles, was ablaze. As the news informed us of what we missed while we were off playing, my dad was calling his station and packing his work bag. It was bad. The only thing I saw was visible terror on TV and my dad was going to it. You see, when I was 5, in kindergarten, it became very clear to me what my dad's occupation was. All I knew then was fire was owie and don't touch. So, my dad goes inside the fire? He voluntarily walks into fire, owie? I freaked. When my dad left the house for work it was like, 5 am, he would always come in and give us a kiss before he left. One time, ONE time, he didn't and I chased his ass out to the garage, setting off the house alarm, to get my goodbye kiss. At five I was already worried that my dad was going to get hurt. Flash forward just five years from that incident to watching the news, as nothing else was on, seeing looting, fires, fights, guns, Marines, National Guard, waiting for my dad to call us at some point to tell us he was ok. My dad was an Engineer at the time so he was the guy outside of the fire manning the pumps and hoses on the engine. Any other time I would be thrilled with this earned rank, however, this week him standing outside of the fire put him in just as much danger as going in. Of course his station was the station right in the middle of it all. He told my mom and I that he was ok and that the knuckle heads throwing bricks at cops weren't doing that to the LAFD. I hated that week.
When my dad finally got to come home he looked like a Zombie. I just remember him sleeping for a while and my mom made sure we didn't bug him. After things calmed down President Bush visited LA and my dad's station, congratulating them on a stellar performance. My grandma has the picture of my dad shaking his hand hanging in her room.
At that time I was unclear of the exact reason those numb skulls started beating Reginald Denny. I kind of knew what happened with the police and Rodney King, kind of. I couldn't comprehend the point of the riots. Protesting gone bad? No fear of authority? Greed? Some people got mad because they didn't agree with a verdict, so you're going to burn your city down? I did not, could not process this. What I did know is what was happening, the riots, not the verdict, was putting my dad, my hero, in danger and that is when I felt hate; true, sad, tunnel visioned, hate. I truly hated that week. I hated that my mom was worried. I hated my dad being gone. I hated the people stealing, looting. I hated the people running with guns in plain sight. I hated the news for taking over not giving a break for something normal. The hate turned to relief when my dad came home. And once the smell of smoke cleared from the air and things started going back to normal, my worry became less and my dad reassured me it was over.
Even though nothing major happened to my dad that week, which I am very grateful for, the fact that the regular fear of "might" or "could" was heightened, was enough. As I grew up I had to change the way I looked at my dad's job to lighten the fear that loomed every time he was on duty. When he made Captain, the whole first one in last one out thing re-started my worries. That's his fault, he should know better than to tell  me that.
My dad is a hero, not just a regular hero like moms and dads are to daughters, like a super hero. 20 years ago my dad and his station helped and saved a lot of people, most of those people were the ones with the guns and stolen loot. The dummies who got shot by the owner of the store they just stole from. Containing a fire so it burns but doesn't get to the elementary school near it. Responding to injured people that were left on the door step of the station. Protecting the LAPD from being assaulted and shot at. I know there are a lot of kids that felt the same way I did that week. Their dads and moms were doing the same thing my dad was. So that is what today means to me. That's the way I remember it.

My dad is in Ireland right now getting my grandparents house together. I believe he is also golfing and hanging out with some family friends. He comes home in a week to return to his daily job of being an everyday hero. It will basically be like when Clark Kent comes out of the phone booth as Superman as my dad gets back into LA. Basically ;)

be well and be kind,
xoL

Home

There's been a lot of chaos and anxiety over here. My house is slowly becoming piles and bags, lists are being made, craigslist is a daily visit, donations are being made...
While I do love San Pedro and will always call it home, Kenny and I have decided to relocate. Cool! Where? Long Beach? Torrance? No, no... We load up a truck on May 25th and drive to our new home in Paso Robles. What the hell? I know, right? I mean, Am I sad? Yes...kind of. I'm really sad that I'll be more than a walk or 3 min drive from my mom and dad. I'm bummed my sister can't just pick me up when she wants to get out. I'm sad to leave my friends, however, I am moving to wine country so I feel like there will be no problem getting them there ;) We went for a visit this last week to meet with some employment opportunities and check out the rental situation. The outcome of those three days showed Kenny and I that it really is all happening; the universe is opening up and showing some love. This is all done for the sake of our little bears. I am very grateful for my husband and his hard work. The last few years have been up and down trying to figure out what we are going to do; careers, school, blah blah blah. And most recently, with him working two jobs and me at home with the kids...boo! But now we see that hard work does pay off.

We knew a long time ago we wouldn't stay in Pedro forever and now the talk has become the walk. We will be staying with Kenny's parents for a spell while looking for a place to live. We will put our stuff in storage up there and for the four of us, I have mapped out a way for us to live with the bare essentials. We are very grateful Kenny's parents are letting us invade their space! We leave on a Friday and Kenny starts working that following Monday. He was just hired this last Tuesday at Central Coast Gymnastics Sports Center, Inc in San Luis Obispo. It's a super legit gymnastics studio with competitive and recreational programs. He'll be coaching some littles and taking on some of their admin stuff. We stopped by there on our way out of town so he could have a chat with the director and we could take a peek inside. They are all very nice people; very welcoming and chill. One of the girls took Jude to jump around on the trampolines; it was hilarious, he loved it, of course! He and Oliver will start there some time after we get there as well. Also, as it turns out, their ballet instructor quit a week ago so I may slide in that spot as well. I've been wanting to go back to work part time, hence the studying, and it seems like it's all going to work out. Kenny's mom, Le Ann, has offered to watch the babes should our schedules conflict for any reason; so maj. Our Juju bear starts pre school in the fall; I can't even handle that mess..."that mess" I'm referring to is me. I've been in contact with some theater connections hoping for the possibility of getting back on stage. It's all very scary and very exciting. 

Paso Robles is in the northern part of San Luis Obispo County; driving from Paso to San Luis Obispo (SLO) is 30 miles. So in LA time that would be what, an hour drive? more or less, usually more. In SLO time it's about 30 minutes. Insanity! It takes me 30 minutes to get to Torrance and that's 10 miles. I'll give you a second to take that in... I know. It's all very pretty up there with great farmer's markets, nice people, good schools; it's very inviting. Now knowing that Kenny will only have to work one awesome job that will take care of us is amazing. I get to go back to work and the boys will be in great schools and a wonderful atmosphere. It's all happening...

To my heart,
Home is where ever I'm with you xo

be well

xoL

Little Bunny FuFu

Jude-3, Oliver-7mo, Liam- nearly 4

Pavlova (left) and Pink Lemonade cupcakes 

Kenny had to work until 1:15pm so I had to do the majority of the cooking and cleaning with my littles, of course, needing more attention than usual. I am the only herbivore in my entire family so my menu for Easter was geared towards the rest of my family. I made Smashed Red Potatoes with Rosemary, asparagus, Strawberry Spinach Salad w/ Sherry Shallot Vinegar, Deviled Eggs and Grilled tri tip, well, the husby was out on the grill station. I also attempted to make Pavlova which is a dessert my mom and grandmama used to make. It's a meringue "cake" with fresh whipped cream, topped with the fresh fruit of your choice. It's a tricky dessert to make; I've tried it once before and it did not come out right, this time was successful. This is the recipe I used from Joy of Baking. You'll notice it calls for sugar in the whipped cream; I left that out and opted for just a hint of vanilla. My mom brought chicken thighs that were breaded with crushed bagel chips and crispix. Prior to breading they get coated in mayo and dijon mustard, Jude loved it. Jess made Alton Brown's recipe for Mac and Cheese and Pink Lemonade cupcakes topped with Peeps and/or "egg" Whoppers. They were really cute. I seasoned the meat the night before so the only thing I really had to do was prep the salad, make the potatoes, deviled eggs and pavlova. I have ZERO counter space so I pull out the old school, built in wood cutting board and place that over the sink to give myself extra space. I used to do that in my tiny NY apts; I think I got that from Food Network or something, I'm not that creative. My cousin showed up super early so he took Jude out side to play and when Kenny finally got home, he came toting a short 3 shot soy latte. Perfect! I got my caffeine on and zipped through the final cleaning touches. I was able to shower... I know, right? Also shaved the arm pits. I know, stop pampering yourself, Lindsey! I put on some mascara and tada! all done :) Well, I did put clothes on and fixed my hair a bit but that's about it. I was EXhausted by the time 7pm came around; everyone left around then, I cleaned up, poured myself a glass of wine and then..UYGFKBSCEBCVUKEYFGKUYGCUDHGVCKZDHGVSEUBCSEKUHFBVIUHEF!!!!!!
what?? what the hell?? Some cholo muthas start gettin cray in the street and beating the shit out of each other. Of course the chicks involved are yelling and fighting bla bla bla. Way to go dummies! What has two thumbs and WILL call upon law enforcement??? THIS GIRL. "Fight in your own damn house, don't bring your drama out on my street!"...That was over heard from another neighbor. I am a lady. ;) Just another fine family holiday. The madness finally calmed down so I did some yoga and had Kenny assist with some deeper stretches. Sat on the couch drank my wine and fell asleep. I could still use a nap.

Hope every one's Easter was as fun as mine
be well
xoL

Deviled Eggs

8 hard boiled eggs
1 tsp dried dill or sweet relish
1/4 c Vegenaise
1/8 c yellow mustard
S&P to taste
8 shakes of Tabasco (you can decrease if you don't like spicy)
paprika to garnish

Let your hard boiled eggs cool completely. Halve your eggs and drop yokes into a gallon ziplock bag; smash the yolks with your hands from the outside of the bag. Add the rest of the ingredients to the yolks and combine by smushing it all together just they way you broke up the yolks. Bring the yolk mixture to one bottom corner of the bag, I use the back of a butter knife to get all of it over. Twist the rest of the bag making your own pastry bag. Using scissors cut the corner off to your desired thickness to pipe the mixture into the egg white. If you have a pastry bag with tips obviously, use that and mix the stuff in a bowl. Pour about a tbsp of paprika in your palm and sprinkle over piped eggs. Serve :)

Smashed Red Potatoes with Rosemary

2 lbs red potatoes
1 1/2 cups unsweetened soy milk
1/2 cup earth balance butter
1 tbsp dried rosemary
1 tbsp S&P

Chop potatoes into 1/4 in chunks, if you have a little guy in there just toss him in. I left all the skins on. Put potatoes in a large pot and fill with cold water. Make sure the water covers the potatoes, cook the potatoes until fork tender. Drain most of the water out; just leave about half an inch of water at the bottom of the pot. This is starchy water now; instead of adding more fat this will help smooth your potatoes. Add S&P and with a potato masher start smashing adding the soy milk in small increments. Somewhere in the middle of smashing add rosemary and butter. I added butter a 1/4 cup at a time. I like it chunky but you can make it as smooth as you like.

Strawberry Spinach Salad

This was what was left. I ate it for breakfast the next morning!

Strawberry spinach salad

Large tub of organic spinach
1 1/2 cups raw walnuts, chopped
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
1 container organic strawberries sliced

Sherry Shallot Vinagarette
1 small shallot minced
1/3 cup sherry vinegar
1/2 EVOO
1/2 tbsp salt & pepper, each

I really love the strawberry salad at Saladish so this is kind of a tribute to that. dump all ingredients into a large salad bowl. In a mixing bowl, add minced shallot, S&P and vinegar, whisk that a bit, add EVOO and whisk well. Taste using a spinach leaf or a slice of strawberry. There is no sugar needed in this dressing because of the sweetness of the strawberries. I strained the dressing into a ball jar and then added just a small amount of the minced shallots. I had a really strong shallot so the onion flavor was very present in a short time. Store in your fridge in a tightly sealed jar of some sort for up to a week in the fridge.

Good Mornin!

Spinach and Leek Quiche

You'll need:

1 package frozen organic spinach

1 med leek

1 1/2 c fresh spinach

6 asparagus spears

6 egg whites (if you can get your eggs from a local farmer or a friend with hens please do so)

2 whole eggs

1 tbsp organic soy milk (unsweetened)

1 tbsp dried basil

2 pinches cayenne

2 tbsp nutritional yeast

1 tbsp rice Parmesan 

1 frozen pie crust

S&P

1 tbsp EVOO

Cheese to sprinkle (optional)

Make it:

1) Pre heat oven to 350. Pull out frozen pie crust, let thaw a bit. Defrost frozen spinach in the microwave until completely thawed. Use as much of the leek possible; do not use the dark tops, dice roughly. In a pan with EVOO, sautee the leeks on a low flame. When your spinach is cooled, empty the contents of your bag or package onto a clean kitchen towel and wring out all liquid. Beat 6 egg whites and 2 eggs with nutritional yeast, rice parm, sea salt, pepper, basil and soy milk. Beat well with a whisk creating fluffy eggs.

2) Assembly: Place fresh spinach on pie shell as a base layer; crumble thawed, frozen spinach on top of fresh. Scatter leeks over spinach; with your clean fingers squish together leeks and crumbled spinach. Make sure it is evenly distributed in the pie shell. Pour the beaten, seasoned eggs evenly over your veg. Cut the asparagus to about 3in or short enough to line up end to end forming 6 pie wedges. Brush the pie crust with whatever egg was left in the bowl for a browned crust.

3) Bake for 20, sprinkle cheese on top then bake for another 20. Or without cheese for 40 min or until golden brown. 

Enjoy!

left a bit non dairy and sprinkled cheddar on the rest. YUM!

It had been a while since us girls hung out all together so I had them all over for breakfast on this chilly Sunday morning. I was so excited, I woke up at 5:45 without an alarms help and jumped in the shower before any of the littles woke. Last night I scoped the fridge and pantry for breakfast ideas; I knew I had this frozen pie crust so I thought I'd make a quiche. I'd never made one before so I googled recipes but none of them really worked for what I had. To be honest, I'm not really a fan of quiche; I feel like every one I've ever come across was loaded with onion and not healthy. I figured if I was going to experiment these lovlies would tell me what's up. I was going to make it totally vegan but I opted for a dairy free, veggie version still using eggs. I sprinkled a bit of cheese on half of it so Blair and I could remain dairy free. I used A LOT of veggies so the eggs were almost just for binding and a vessel for seasoning. Stefanie worked until 7:30 this morning and thought a 10 minute nap would be good. After two hours of not answering her phone, we let her sleep in :) Melissa put together a berry delight with strawberries, blueberries, grapes and chopped mint and I baked some croissants (not from scratch). I squeezed fresh OJ and the ladies mixed it with Pellagrino. Blair and Shelagh brought coffee, Pellagrino and paper plates...What? paper plates? yea, paper plates. Something clogged my kitchen sink pipes while I was juicing this a.m. and water started to sit it the sink. Disgusting. 

Anyhow, fun times as always. My experiment was successful and I got to spend the morning with my ladies.

be well

xoL

Manic Monday

It's Monday!!! Meatless Monday! I'm making Broccoli slaw stir fried with quinoa and teriyaki "beef."

I love going to the store with my husband; now that Oliver can sit in the cart, we just take one cart and walk every aisle together. He's a fan of Sprouts but we were out in the Torrance area so we decided to go to the mother ship, Whole Foods.
When I do my shopping I split the tab between TJs and Sprouts. I spend roughly, $90 at each store, sometimes more or less. This lasts about a week and a half to two weeks. I get all of my produce at Sprouts and some other random stuff and then most of the easy ready made stuff, I get at TJs. I bought just as much stuff as I would have at Sprouts and TJs, combined, and spent the same amount. However, since the husby was with me, there was about $40 more spent on fancy beer and a $20 porterhouse steak. About once a month Kenny gets this urge for a feast fit for a king. It is always on a Sunday and it always involves a giant steak, which I never think he's going to finish and he always proves me wrong. I can't be upset if this meat eating viking only eats meat occasionally. He used to be very hamburger oriented but has become conscience of what he eats so when he does it is done with thought. Fast food isn't a question, though, he loves In-N-Out but that is an occasional thing.
We stuck to what we needed and that was that. I mean, if I had an unlimited amount of money could I spend more? Duh, of course! If you go in with a plan you can surely stay in budget; go in blind and you use your whole wallet at Whole Foods.
Do you know where I used to spend the most? VONS. Effing hate that place. I go there now if I need a gift card from that giant gift card wall thing but, otherwise? No, thanks. Albertsons? blech. I have to say, as far as major grocery chains go, Ralphs does offer more vegan/vegetarian products. But to buy organic in a major chain is ridic when you can go to TJs, Sprouts, Whole Foods or a damn Farmer's Market and get great stuff for less. Buy locally and seasonally; you will spend less and your food will taste better.


Happy Meatless Monday!
be well
xoL

Ven Conmigo

Another Everything Must Go Soup:

Organic South West Stylie

4 cloves of garlic, diced

4 tbsp EVOO

2 sm. cans or 6 whole Ortega chiles, diced

1 red and yellow bell pepper

1 dried Bay leaf

1 tbsp crushed red pepper

1 tbsp cumin

1 can corn

1 can low sodium black beans

S&P

5 tbsp nutritional yeast

2 cups pureed sweet potatoes

veg broth

1 head broccoli, rough chop

Make it:

-Preheat oven to 400. Dissect a head of broccoli, the whole thing, stock and all. Toss in a roasting pan with EVOO, S&P and about a tsp of cumin. The broccoli should be nice and coated, cumin is strong so start small and add as you wish (aaaassssss yyyyooouuuuu wwwwiiiiiiiisssssshhhhhhh). I let it go about 1/2 hr, but check it after 20, you might want to pull it then. I like the trees crispy so I let it go for a bit.

-In a soup pot, add 4 tbsp of EVOO, or enough to coat the bottom, on a med-low flame. Add chopped garlic, let that go for a sec, add diced ortegas and bell peppers. Give that a minute to love each other, add bay leaf, crushed red and cumin. Stir for a minute to give everyone a chance to get hot. Let them all hang out until the bells start to get a little soft, add corn and beans, stir. Add nutritional yeast, stir and then taste. If you need S&P then add, I just used a bit. Add sweet potatoes, stir. Add veg broth; just add enough to thin it out, make it as thin or thick as you like. Let simmer for a bit stirring occasionally.

-Serve in a toasted bread bowl topped with broccoli and a sprinkle of cheese; in a bowl with chopped chipotle Field Roast 'sausage' and broccoli. Serve over corn chips and add chicken if you like, so many possibilities :)

lunch

preparing for the sauna

I had to use the peppers, broccoli, ortega chiles and sweet potato puree. What ends up happening is, I pull everything I need to use, stare at it for a while, go to my pantry, stare at that and then something comes to mind. Just taste as you go and see if you want to add or take away something. That's what's so rad about cooking, I take it as another outlet for creativity. I also have the challenge of having a carnivorous husby that I have to fake out which poses as a challenge. It just makes it that much more rewarding when he loves it. And, NO, he doesn't just tell me that; he tells me truthfully what he liked and didn't like. This soup was a bit too spicy for Jude; next time I would back off on the crushed red. 

Have fun!

Clartiy

I was thinking (yes, it hurt) about what I reeeeeally want to do. What am I most interested in? I'm not going to just stay at home forever; that's boring. What do I miss everyday? What is the next big thing? It didn't take very long to figure it out.
I have so many friends on FB posting about how they are "off to rehearsal," "happy closing," "i love my cast," "felt good about my audition," "watch (whatever show). you'll see me behind (actress)!" I do get excited for them, I do. Do I get disgusted with myself for allowing myself to be sooo consumed with jealousy it ends up ruining the remainder of my day? Yes, a thousand times, yes. I have no real reason to be jealous, I mean, could I really be doing all of that too? Yes. So, here's the adjustment to that initial list of 10 things I want to do; get cast in a show. BAM! Challenge accepted! A lot has to go into that; I have to go back to a vocal coach, go back to dance class, get back down to a standard costume size. It will be just as hard as training for a marathon. You don't think so? Ok, you go do it. ;)
For the past year and a half, I have been engaged to this box of study materials for a personal trainer certification; we have never set a date. Well, guys, it's final! The date is September 8th, I'm taking the test. I  got sidetracked by the whole baby thing and never opened the box again until a week ago. I try to study a little in the morning and then after Oliver goes to bed at 7 and Jude is hanging out in his room, I study a little more. I don't know how some moms and dads go to school and work and do all of the kid stuff. You guys are awesome; I'm not that cool, kudos! The material isn't difficult, seeing as I know a whole lot of it already. As long as it's something you are interested in and passionate about it doesn't seem like work, right?
Lastly, I let my Esthetician license expire like a dummy so I think I may re-take the state board test to reinstate that. I let it expire knowing I was moving to NY and I thought I was never going to live in California again; I mean, it wasn't an absurd thought and it would have been invalid in NY as I took the boards in CA. Anyhow, it's an option; I miss the discounts! I liked the business and the work I just found the facials boring and taxing. I could never be a massage therapist; I was always so affected by the client's stress or anxiety so, after 5 facials I'd be spent. I am not into the massage portion of the facial; I am good at it, I will say that, it was just boooooring. I was more into the clinical part of it; cleansing exfoliate, EXTRACTIONS... guys, I'm a picker, like, if there is something that needs to be popped or extracted I cannot continue conversation until you or I handle your biz. It's the main reason I considered the career. I know, right? cray cray. I liked waxing because I could talk more and it was faster. I could book more and make more cashola. I just have to study a bit for the written portion but I think I'll be good.
In a nutshell, I'll be a busy bee. I like it that way :)

Don't settle. That never works out for anyone.
be well,
xoL

On Top Of Old Smokey

Spaghetti Squash might be one of my top 5 fav veggies. It's genius! This gift from nature has a mild flavor and when the flesh is scraped with a fork it becomes hearty and noodle like. It's easy to cook, it's versatile and low in calories yet still providing calcium and vitamin A. When you eat a cup of regular white pasta you're looking at about 200 cals, 2g fat and 43ish carbs for 1 cup, what's that? a palm full? This is about 45 cals, no fat and 10g carbs; these are carbs your temple can break down and turn into fuel. I'm sorry? Temple? Yea, your body is your temple. Treat it well. I digress, when I was little my mom used to just put a little butter and S&P; it's an option. As an adult I've come to utilize the entirety of the squash and consider it a "pasta." My mom is so good at just going through the fridge and pantry and putting together the most delicious meals. The base of those meals was usually pasta with some awesome sauteed something or a yummy sauce. I do the same just using Spaghetti squash and broccoli slaw. Broccoli slaw is a whole other story. I think one of my fav parts of the squash is the fact that you roast it upside down, fork the flesh (Bevis laugh), and top how you may right in the skin of the squash, it's like a boat of goodness. This is what I made last night:

You'll need:
Spaghetti Squash- Depending on how many you need to feed; a large one will feed three hungry people
1 bag Frozen spinach
2 cans Trader Joe's canned artichoke hearts in water
1can Organic canned corn
1lg can Ortega Chiles, diced- I had a can of whole chiles and chopped them so try 2 small cans of pre-diced
Veganaise or mayo or ricotta
Daiya Mozzarella shredded cheese
head of garlic
1/4c nutritional yeast or grated parm
1/2 tbsp red chile flakes
S&P
EVOO

Pre-heat oven to 350. Microwave frozen spinach until completely thawed. Microwave spag squash for a few mins; this tenderizes the squash so you can halve it. It is way too hard to cut without this step, think pumpkin carving. After you halve the squash, spoon out the seeds and such, rub with EVOO and S&P. When your oven comes to temp, in a foiled lasagna pan, cake pan, jelly roll pan; whatever you have, place squash upside down, flesh side down and put in oven. Also, chop the top of the head of garlic so you see the cloves, rub with EVOO and wrap in foil, place in oven as well. Time 20-30 min, when ready take squash and garlic out of oven, flip one of the halves and make scrape a bit to make sure its tender enough. While squash is in the oven and your spinach is cooling drain the corn and dump into lg mixing bowl. Open and drain the cans of artichoke hearts, empty onto a paper towel or clean kitchen towel and press to get as much of the water out as possible; chop to the size you prefer. I leave mine pretty chunky, toss in the bowl. Drain and empty cans of ortega chiles into bowl. In a clean kitchen towel or paper towels, squeeze the water from the spinach, crumble into bowl. I used veganaise as a binder but you can definitely sub ricotta or mayo, think Spinach Artichoke dip. I used a less than a cup of veganaise but make it to your preferred consistency. Add the chile flakes, nutritional yeast* or parm and S&P to taste. Unwrap garlic from foil and squeeze head of garlic into a small bowl. The cloves should be caramel in color, add a pinch of S&P and smash with the back of a spoon making a paste; add to spinach mix and mix in well. Spoon the mixture on top of the already scraped squash halves, sprinkle with vegan mozzarella or regular mozz and place in broiler on high just to melt the cheese quickly.
Enjoy.



*Nutritional yeast... so clutch. You can get it in the bulk bins at your local whole foods type store. For 2tbsp, heaping, about 50cals, <1g fat, over 8g protein <5g carbs; high in folic acid, magnesium, B12, Thiamin, Niacin and Riboflavin-all of the B vitamins, and it taste like effing cheese! I use it as a Parmesan replacement or on eggs or a tofu scramble. Just get a little bit and try, I always have at least 2 cups in my pantry.

Eat up.
be well
xoL

do you know the muffin man?

1 1/4c   whole wheat flour
1 1/4tsp baking powder
1/2tsp    baking soda
2 1/2tsp cinnamon
pinch of salt
pinch of mutmeg(nutmeg is strong! careful :)
2 egg whites
3 smashed verrrrrry ripe nanners (the riper they are the sweeter they are)
1/4c no sugar added applesauce
1/4c grade A maple syrup

1. Pre heat your oven to 350. In one bowl sift flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt. In a larger bowl, smash the nanners well and mix in eggwhites, apple sauce and maple syrup; mix well. After wet ingredients are mixed add 1/2 of the sifted dry ingredients to your wet ingredients, mix and add the rest of the dry. I added about a 1/2 a cup of chocolate chips. you can definitely omit these. This is enough mix for 1 dozen muffins; my pan is a european muffin tray so they are a bit smaller.

2. You can make this as a loaf in a loaf pan or muffins with or without liners. Just make sure you spray your pan or grease it however you prefer. I used some random cupcake/muffin liners I found in my pantry. Bake at 350; my cupcakes took 14 mins. A loaf should take up to 40 mins. Not all ovens are calibrated the same so give it about 10 mins(muffins) then stick a toothpick or cake tester in the center of the loaf or cake and make sure it comes out clean. You might see some chocolate on the stick as you pull it out as they are warm and gooey now.

3. Enjoy!!! :)

Lost In The Supermarket

Everything Must Go Soup with tofu croutons

Once every 7-10 days I have veg that is on it's way to being compost so instead of wasting it I throw it all in a pot and make a soup of some sort. I always have some sort of onion if it be a shallot, leek  or red, yellow or white onion and garlic, sauteed with a bit of olive oil can be the beginning of a yummy soup. Having "staples" in your kitchen always make it easy to just throw something together if need be. Every time I go grocery shopping I replenish those items so I am never with out. 

Some items are: 

Lemons: Lemons are so clutch to have on hand at all times. Adding the juice to a sauce to brighten it up; using it as an acid in a dressing; adding zest to anything making use of the energizing essential oils in the rind; slicing it for a refreshing addition to water; or putting a bunch in a bowl to use as a centerpiece. 

Garlic: I mean, duh... I use garlic in pretty much everything I use. If I'm making some sort of international dish that doesn't call for it, I won't. Dicing, grating, pasting, rubbing, roasting, spreading, garlic is the end. Don't be lame and use that pre-cleaned/packaged garlic; you pay almost 3 times more for the service and packaging and usually there is some preservative in it to make it last. Just bust a clove ya own damn self, it takes 10 seconds. Get that garlic smell off of your fingers by rubbing them with lemon and then wash your hands. 

Onion: I hate onions. I do. Blech, can't stand 'em. Raw? ugh, GET AWAY! I tell restaurants that I am allergic so I am sure I don't get any and if I do see them I send it back. Pretty passionate right? Well, here's the thing, I like the flavor a VERRY cooked onion gives but if I see it I won't eat it. I usually grate it into whatever I'm making, using a micro-plane or box grater, so I don't see chunks of onion. However, if it is caramelized properly, I will eat it straight. High maintenance right? Never said I wasn't. I use shallots or leeks a lot as the tend to be a bit milder. Scallions? Green onions? How dare you! Get off of my plate!

Tomatoes: Canned and fresh, there is always one or both here. Sauces, salads, for roasting or broiling. I used to hate tomatoes as a kid but I like ketchup. GRODY. Now it's the opposite. I get the no sugar added, organic ketchup for Jude but that's about as far as I'll budge on that. If it's a canned tomato I generally get a couple different types like stewed, diced, crushed or whole. Fresh guys, I usually get roma because I feel like those are the most versatile for what I do. Cherry or grape tomatoes are good for roasting because the get really sweet. Beefsteak are good for broiling or baking stuffed tomatoes or slicing for sammies. They are just so good and good for you. 

Greens: Kale, spinach, arugula can be used hot or cold so I usually have one or all of those. Chard of any variety is tasty as a addition to a soup or a side dish. 

Tofu: The textures of tofu between soft and extra firm are up to what you're going to do. I keep soft for baking or smoothies. Medium or firm if I'm going to scramble and extra firm for cubing or steaks. That's one of my main proteins so I always have some just like some of you would have chicken or whatever you favor. Tofu is easily marinated as it absorbs what you're cooking with. It's like a blank canvas, you want asian? marinate with shoyu, ume plum vinegar, sriracha and ginger. Mexi? toss with cumin, coriander, salt and pepper. Curried tofu might be my favsie. 

Beans- Beans are so good for you. Get them dried and make them your self or get the can, just be conscious of the sodium. I keep a pretty healthy stock of beans in my pantry. Jude and I would eat beans every day; KT not so much. You can always blend them to make dips or add them to soups. 

Vegetable stock- Now, you can make your own and store it as you wish. I keep a couple cartons of stock in the pantry just in case. Any kind of stock is good to keep on hand, fresh or boxed, because it can be a low fat way to season or stretch a dish or if you're a fan of soup like me. 

So, those are things I buy every time I go to the store. I find the things that cost the most are the seasonings and specialty ingredients like tahini or maple syrup. But, you buy them and then you have them; especially things like the ume plum vinegar, mirin cooking wine, dried herbs or spices, things like that. See if your store sells spices by the pound, for instance, Sprouts has a wall of spices that you can just grab a teaspoon if you wish. I found that helpful if I'm trying something new out on the fam; if they like it cool, I'll invest, if not...well, I tried. I use recipes to get familiar with a foreign ingredient then after I've familiarized myself, I experiment. My mom has always been good at just throwing stuff together; I learned from her on that one. I have a calendar with a space to write in meals; it helps with expenses and confusion. We're going out here; so and so is coming over; i'm lazy, you know. Every wednesday night we order sushi and watch One Tree Hill so that day is accounted for. Yea, we watch One Tree Hill. What? Have I seen every episode and will I cry when the series ends in a few weeks? Yes and Yes. Ain't no shame in my One Tree Hill game...okay, i'm done. 

Food should keep you up; not weigh you down.

be well

xoL

Vogue

Style. hmmmmm....ummmmmmm...I wouldn't say I am the most stylish....But I wouldn't say I am completely without. I am an avid yoga pant buyer, yesterday I counted 15, just black, pants; I also have another stack of other colors. That's just workout pants, that isn't counting leggings and other loungy pants. If that show "What Not To Wear" came to my bedroom they'd leave me with nothing. I have a closet full of dresses, nice, expensive dresses, that aren't specific to a season or trend so I kept them with the hope I would wear them again after I had Jude. Never happened. I have one pair of jeans that I wear, they are waaay too big. I threw out all of my maternity stuff as I don't plan on having more children, so, I'm  left with all of this random stuff. It's because I refuse to accept the size I am as a norm for me...It isn't normal and is being taken care of.
When my mom gave me reign over dressing myself for school I think I was in like 4th grade. I was so much taller and just plain bigger than everyone else that I incorporated some of my mom's clothes into my outfits. My mom is really cool and was always with trends so I never wore anything terrible. You know in "Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter Is Dead", when Christina Applegate goes into her mom's closet and tries to put together a totally rad outfit for her age, that was me. My mom and I wore the same shoe size so I scored on that too. I never dressed inappropriately and my mom worked at my school, never got away with ANYTHING! Before I went to Jr. High my parents took me shopping for new school clothes. I was so awkward, ugh, the beginning of 7th grade was really weird. I wasn't going to the school my address designated for me because of the bullying in elementary so I went to the school waaaaaay across town. I knew a couple of girls, but I was definitely terrified. I wore big surfer t-shirts, board shorts, jean shorts, jeans, vans, so tomboy and I am so far from a tomboy. I watched the older girls and tried to figure out who I was most like. Was I those crazy raver girls? no way my mom would let me wear that crazy shit to school. Was I the trendy girl? Teasing and hairspray was never my thing, too much time in the a.m. This was when I embraced what I still rely on today, pick from other people's closets! mom, let's go to Salvation Army! She took me to Hermosa to Aardvarks, that was when it was a cool second-hand vintage store and not a weird, expensive Halloween shop; we also went to a few other places to get some cool Levi's and tops. I was heavily influenced by alternative rock and would just die if I never lived in Seattle. I lived by Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Offspring, Hole, Stone Temple Pilots and so many more. I rocked striped tights under jean shorts with docs and braids in my hair. I was all about the baby doll dress with the tee underneath. Flannel? Did someone say over sized flannel? Yes, 2 please. I'd like to thank my Dad for his contribution in that department. I had a metal lunchbox that served as a purse and I painted my nails with white-out. So that was Jr High, the best part was after school when I had drill, dance and/or cheer practice and the flannel came off and I donned my stretchy stuff. I mellowed out in high school, I was surrounded by a lot of people who were all very different. In 9th grade I was so insecure and even more terrified that I just kind of blended in. I was also so totally butt crazy in love with this guy that I tried everything I could to get him to like me; including dressing like the girl I heard he liked. I was in love with that guy for so long, he never liked me like that. What a nerd. In the mean time this other guy came along and tore me to pieces and I never really recovered from that. I was pretty average, still cute vintage stuff, but way more mellow than Jr. High.
When I transferred to San Pedro High my senior year, I could give two shits about what I was wearing. I didn't try very hard there, unnntiiiillll I started seeing someone and I tried to be what I thought he liked. See a pattern? Insecurity, guys, she's a real bitch. Ugh, I tried so hard, so, so hard, a lot of guess? jeans and Forever 21, in the early 2000's Forever 21 was very...spandex-blends? I don't want to say I was generic or typical just not really me. I was way younger than him and his friends so I just really tried to fit in. One of his friends had this horrid girlfriend, ugh, she was so mean to me. She was nice to me once
Lately, this whole two small children thing has got me pretty haggard, a lot of pony tails and yoga pants. I'm either going to the gym or just came from the gym; the nicer clothes, or presentable clothes, I have are reserved for being in public in a non-gym setting. Inside the belly of the beast that we call home, sometimes...let's just say it's a good thing my husband works 18hrs a day and he doesn't have to see this hot mess all day. Just recently fit into a pair of pre-Oliver jeans, cool beans. I'm looking for pre-Jude; almost there.

don't try to be something you are not. being you always looks best.
be well
xoL

Soul Meets Body

A little more than one month has gone by since I've started this virtual journey and I have to confess... I ate cheese! AHHHHHHHH!!!! Kidding. Well, not kidding actually, I did eat it. Twice. Once was an accident...huh? how do you "accidentally" eat cheese? Mindless eating is what I came to, I was making Jude a sammie and there was a little extra piece left and I just, mindlessly, shoved that cheddar down my trap. When I realized what I did it was kind of a wake up, as in, think, think before you do. The second ingestion was completely deliberate and a moment of PMS induced insanity, I wanted a calzone...What the F***k? Yea, I wanted a gooey, stringy, cheesy calzone. I got through almost half of it and realized I was already feeling sick. I put that baby in the trash and made some tea. That was this last Saturday night. Sunday I resumed with my normal breakfast of smashed avo on toast and a veggie drink for lunch. I invited my mom over to watch the Superbowl with me seeing that I was alone and couldn't emotionally handle Madonna by myself, oh, and I guess the game. I planned on making stir fry but when she called she asked if I minded she bring chips and onion dip, her favsie, I said, "Of course!" Well, an hour later she was at the store, Oliver was asleep on me and she mentioned just getting frozen pizzas instead of me having to cook. Yes, much easier, sounds good. You see, in our home when the clock strikes 5:30 the witching hour begins. Jude isn't a napper so by this time he is getting whiny and quite the pain in my rear. Oliver goes to bed at 7 so his dinner is around then, it's game time here so, frozen pizza? sure. She brought over a Margherita pizza for Jude and herself and an Amy's vegan pizza for me, I was relieved when I saw that. After the night before, when I officially divorced cheese, I was looking forward to just picking that bitch off my pie, but, no worries, mommy comes through as always. As the game progressed I thought, "eh, what's a little sour cream and a couple chips," so I go for it. ugggghhhhhh. For the past few days since my moments of insanity I've been irritable, kinda cloudy, basically feeling like I've had a hangover except for the fact I didn't drink. Now I know and knowing is half the battle. Thanks GI Joe.

When I was talking to the husby about putting down the bottle, he was supportive but didn't completely understand why I was making that choice. I explained what the plan was, no drink for 28 days, which landed on my friends wedding. I could drink if I wanted and wouldn't beat myself up about it. In the next days he didn't drink until the following week when he wanted beer, I think we were watching a game or something. Out of respect, he asked if I minded him drinking and if I did, he wouldn't, didn't want to tempt me or make me feel badly. I appreciated his courtesy and took it as a test, I passed although it was hard to not have just a sip. When the time came for the wedding, cocktail hour was upon us and I ordered a glass of red. I babysat the full glass for a while in fear simply because I was afraid now. I hadn't drank in a while, I felt like the a teen girl in a Lifetime movie with her peers pressuring her to drink and "let loose", except the peers happen to be my own brain, and then, bottom's up! It was an open bar so I told myself not to go to the bar myself and only get a drink if someone offers to go get it, no hard liquor and drink plenty of water. I ended up having about 3 glasses over the course of 5 hours, not bad for moi. I got a little buzzed but definitely sober enough to realize my KT took full advantage of the bar service. He paid for it the next morning and I laughed at him, it felt good. Geez, Linds, that's not nice! Eh, pish posh! I have, and never have had, remorse for people with hangovers. Even with myself, I did this to myself, you did that to yourself, now we pay. I'm cool with not spending my day miserable.
So, a month later I say boo to dairy for reals and alcohol and I have definitely broke up but I'm confident knowing that I can be around it and control myself weather it be not having any or having just one. I'm okay with not drinking and I'm okay being sociable and sober, turns out I'm pretty rad either way. I feel like everything is aligning, like the clay is still being formed but definitely resembling something familiar.  It isn't just following through with what I said I was going to do now, I've been doing it. I allowed mistakes and I learned, that's pretty big. It's all happening.

Keep on keepin' on ;)
be well
xoL

Hey Jude

I realized something was askew when I couldn't finish the drink I had and the thought of it was disgusting me and I was sooooo sleepy and in a weird mood. Kenny and I had not been dating that long; by not long I mean about a month. We met doing a show together in 2008 and by the end of the show we never left each other's side. And by end of the show I literally mean the last show. During the rehearsal process we flirted but I found out how young he was and said, "when you can go into a bar, we can talk." What bitch, but, what would a 25 year old want with a 20 year old? Well within the next week he turned 21; by this time I was hung up on someone else who had no interest in me but I was trying, as girls do. I tried my hardest not to like Kenny because of his age all the while knowing he was everything I loved; a dude who likes sports but can dance and sing, loved the same kind of music and looked like Ben Gibbard, the frontman for Death Cab For Cutie, could make me laugh, like loose your breath, crying laugh. So the only way I knew to act to him was like a 5 year old and be a total beeyatch to the guy I really liked. He hated me. I apologized for acting like an asshole and we became friends and started talking. If we weren't talking we were texting. During the second week of the run there was a cast party, one of many, where Kenny swooped in for the kill. Giving me his jacket when I got cold, keeping my drink full (obviously, trying to impair my judgement) and just being super funny and sweet. Then there was a kiss and there was a symphony, there were fireworks, we were floating, walking on clouds and that was all it took. After that night we never left each other's side.
When I confirmed that I was pregnant with Jude it was 5 am and Kenny was at work. I called him, terrified, awkwardly excited and confused. I sent him a text to call me immediately, he did, I dropped the bomb and all he said was, "ok, i love you. are you ok?", "i think so","ok, i'll be home in a little bit. I love you Lindsey", " I love you too."...Click... Being a ball of schizo emotions I just laid in bed until he came home. I knew it was early and I needed to make a decision, well, we needed to make a decision. Yes, I contemplated abortion. Whaaaaaaatttt???!?!?!?!?!?! yes, I do think a women has the right to choose. This will be a never ending debate that I do not wish to get into. Moving on. After some very long emotional talks, personal reflection and a looming appointment at Planned Parenthood, we skipped my appointment and we went to tell my dad. My mom found out shortly after I found out because she had that weird mother's instinct. My boobs we're also quite a tell. But she promised she would keep her mouth shut until we made a decision on what we were going to do. Naturally, Kenny was afraid my dad was going to bury him alive but everything was great, we all had dinner and celebrated. We called Kenny's parents who still lived in Minnesota at the time and had never met me, they happened to be at a family function so everyone found out at the same time. There was quite a bit more shock there. My birthday was very soon and I waited til that dinner with my friends to tell them. There was shock, there were blessings there was also a "Shut the F**K UP!" Some who had seen the show we were in knew who he was but didn't know him so I explained how it all came about and they were in. I'm sure they were still shocked and worried but they only showed me love and support.
We said and mutually agreed that there was no need to rush into marriage if even at all. I did officially move in with him and his room mates, which was an experience. They all lived in Gardena and I easily convinced them that moving to Pedro was a better option. So we did, into a great apartment on pacific and shepard. It had the best kitchen, oh, how I miss that kitchen, unbelievable counter space. It was in that apartment I woke up to Kenny already awake. As I opened my eyes he said, "Let's get married." Whoa! What!? I blinked excitedly, "Really?""yes, let's go now. I want to be married to you now""YES!!! let's go!!!" we both realized our parents would be pissed they weren't there so with a plastic purple ring he officially got on one knee and proposed. When you know, you know, guys. We happened to be going to dinner at my parents that night including my sister and her husband. Kenny said he had something to say, "I asked Lindsey to marry me today and she said yes!" My sister replied with, "I miss my blonde hair"; yes, rude but I can guarantee she wasn't paying the slightest attention to what was going on. They all had celebratory shots and I had my pellegrino.
I was due January 28th, 2009, taking my doctor's order's I was induced on the 30th. Hind-sight, would I do that again? no, I do not recommend induction. I understand cesareans that are performed for the baby's health as in an emergency but I am not a fan of the planned birth. I was told Jude was too big already and it was my first baby so blah blah blah...horrible idea. I was laboring with no epidural from January 30th 8:30am to January 31st 11am. That was with some pills and the pitocen given to me to induce labor. I didn't sleep or eat, not allowed, during those 27.5 hours so when shit started getting bad, I was exhausted and couldn't do it anymore. Defeated, I gave in to my husband and nurses wishes and got the epidural. Oh man! That was nice. I slept and FINALLY at 5:30 am on February 1st, I was ready to push. My epidural was far from effective at this point and I felt more than I thought I was going to. 7:45am a 9lb 12oz, 22in squishy faced baby boy was put on my chest. We were all in love, Kenny, Jude and I were a team now.
We all went in this together with nothing but love. We had no plan and no idea what the hell we were doing. All we knew was that we loved each other and we loved this little boy more than we could have even fathomed.
We didn't stay together because I was pregnant, we didn't get married because we had to.  From this spontaneous, immediate, love that consumed the two of us came the most wonderful, polite, funny, loving, compassionate, happy little boy.

I wouldn't change a minute of the past 4years.
Happy Birthday baby bear!

xoMommy

Hey Jude

I realized something was askew when I couldn't finish the drink I had and the thought of it was disgusting me and I was sooooo sleepy and in a weird mood. Kenny and I had not been dating that long; by not long I mean about a month. We met doing a show together in 2008 and by the end of the show we never left each other's side. And by end of the show I literally mean the last show. During the rehearsal process we flirted but I found out how young he was and said, "when you can go into a bar, we can talk." What bitch, but, what would a 25 year old want with a 20 year old? Well within the next week he turned 21; by this time I was hung up on someone else who had no interest in me but I was trying, as girls do. I tried my hardest not to like Kenny because of his age all the while knowing he was everything I loved; a dude who likes sports but can dance and sing, loved the same kind of music and looked like Ben Gibbard, the frontman for Death Cab For Cutie, could make me laugh, like loose your breath, crying laugh. So the only way I knew to act to him was like a 5 year old and be a total beeyatch to the guy I really liked. He hated me. I apologized for acting like an asshole and we became friends and started talking. If we weren't talking we were texting. During the second week of the run there was a cast party, one of many, where Kenny swooped in for the kill. Giving me his jacket when I got cold, keeping my drink full (obviously, trying to impair my judgement) and just being super funny and sweet. Then there was a kiss and there was a symphony, there were fireworks, we were floating, walking on clouds and that was all it took. After that night we never left each other's side.
When I confirmed that I was pregnant with Jude it was 5 am and Kenny was at work. I called him, terrified, awkwardly excited and confused. I sent him a text to call me immediately, he did, I dropped the bomb and all he said was, "ok, i love you. are you ok?", "i think so","ok, i'll be home in a little bit. I love you Lindsey", " I love you too."...Click... Being a ball of schizo emotions I just laid in bed until he came home. I knew it was early and I needed to make a decision, well, we needed to make a decision. Yes, I contemplated abortion. Whaaaaaaatttt???!?!?!?!?!?! yes, I do think a women has the right to choose. This will be a never ending debate that I do not wish to get into. Moving on. After some very long emotional talks, personal reflection and a looming appointment at Planned Parenthood, we skipped my appointment and we went to tell my dad. My mom found out shortly after I found out because she had that weird mother's instinct. My boobs we're also quite a tell. But she promised she would keep her mouth shut until we made a decision on what we were going to do. Naturally, Kenny was afraid my dad was going to bury him alive but everything was great, we all had dinner and celebrated. We called Kenny's parents who still lived in Minnesota at the time and had never met me, they happened to be at a family function so everyone found out at the same time. There was quite a bit more shock there. My birthday was very soon and I waited til that dinner with my friends to tell them. There was shock, there were blessings there was also a "Shut the F**K UP!" Some who had seen the show we were in knew who he was but didn't know him so I explained how it all came about and they were in. I'm sure they were still shocked and worried but they only showed me love and support.
We said and mutually agreed that there was no need to rush into marriage if even at all. I did officially move in with him and his room mates, which was an experience. They all lived in Gardena and I easily convinced them that moving to Pedro was a better option. So we did, into a great apartment on pacific and shepard. It had the best kitchen, oh, how I miss that kitchen, unbelievable counter space. It was in that apartment I woke up to Kenny already awake. As I opened my eyes he said, "Let's get married." Whoa! What!? I blinked excitedly, "Really?""yes, let's go now. I want to be married to you now""YES!!! let's go!!!" we both realized our parents would be pissed they weren't there so with a plastic purple ring he officially got on one knee and proposed. When you know, you know, guys. We happened to be going to dinner at my parents that night including my sister and her husband. Kenny said he had something to say, "I asked Lindsey to marry me today and she said yes!" My sister replied with, "I miss my blonde hair"; yes, rude but I can guarantee she wasn't paying the slightest attention to what was going on. They all had celebratory shots and I had my pellegrino.
I was due January 28th, 2009, taking my doctor's order's I was induced on the 30th. Hind-sight, would I do that again? no, I do not recommend induction. I understand cesareans that are performed for the baby's health as in an emergency but I am not a fan of the planned birth. I was told Jude was too big already and it was my first baby so blah blah blah...horrible idea. I was laboring with no epidural from January 30th 8:30am to January 31st 11am. That was with some pills and the pitocen given to me to induce labor. I didn't sleep or eat, not allowed, during those 27.5 hours so when shit started getting bad, I was exhausted and couldn't do it anymore. Defeated, I gave in to my husband and nurses wishes and got the epidural. Oh man! That was nice. I slept and FINALLY at 5:30 am on February 1st, I was ready to push. My epidural was far from effective at this point and I felt more than I thought I was going to. 7:45am a 9lb 12oz, 22in squishy faced baby boy was put on my chest. We were all in love, Kenny, Jude and I were a team now.
We all went in this together with nothing but love. We had no plan and no idea what the hell we were doing. All we knew was that we loved each other and we loved this little boy more than we could have even fathomed.
We didn't stay together because I was pregnant, we didn't get married because we had to.  From this spontaneous, immediate, love that consumed the two of us came the most wonderful, polite, funny, loving, compassionate, happy little boy.

I wouldn't change a minute of the past 4years.
Happy Birthday baby bear!

xoMommy

I'll Be There For You

This last weekend one of my good friends got married. I was just a guest at the event and it made me think about what a friend is; What kind of relationship makes you best friends? what is a best friend? Do I have a best friend? Are best friends for little girls that exchange bracelets? Did I read too many "babysitter's club" and "sweet valley high" books? 

With this whole social media explosion over the past few years the word "friend" has taken a on a different meaning. "My friend (blah blah blah) was just saying that"= This girlfriend of a friend of a friend that once knew an old acquaintance and we met at a party posted something along those lines on facebook and I "liked" it." "Jessica Simpson ate an entire box of cereal for breakfast," "Omg, we need to buy Jessica Alba's new line. We have to support her"= I follow celebs on twitter and sometimes forget that I really don't know them. "How come you didn't go to the class reunion?"..ummm... because, I know that Sally ate an omelet for breakfast, I've seen Timmy's status go from single to it's complicated like 1000 times and honestly, if I'm not friends with the other people on fb i have no desire to stalk them in person! C'mon! Also, I look nothing like my profile pic. No one needs to see me in person. 

All, thing's I've heard, said or was the basis for many conversations. You know how you know you have a really good friend (not discounting good friends on fb)? If they don't have a fb and you still manage to communicate with them. I have 5 friends I was reeeeally close with starting in middle school. A couple of them I've been friends with even longer. When I went to a different high school I made new friends that I got really close with but still managed to stay friends with those 5 girls. Being psychotic in high school I burned a lot of bridges that now, I wouldn't say we are friends but we're friends on fb; that counts right? No, not really but it was nice of them to accept the request. When I had to transfer schools my senior year going back to my hometown where my 5 girls were, I figured, well, at least I know my girls and I'm sure I'll have friends when I join play production, naturally, where I'll be the most comfortable. HELLO! These people have gone through 3 major years without you in this picture. There are new friends now. So and so got closer with so and so. She's friends with blah blah so they don't talk to her. I quickly realized I had to adapt to something completely different than I was expecting. I also started dating someone older and totally lost sight of reality and that diminished strength in most of the friendships. All of my friends went to prom together. I didn't go, the bf didn't want to go so I thought going out with him and his friends was more acceptable. I missed a lot. I can't be mad at anyone because those were choices I made as a wise 17year old. wise. The 5 girls stayed in California for college; I went to NY. Everyone thought I was so brave and full of this incredible drive to go so far to do what I loved. I was still dating the same guy and was so faithful to him that no girl was ever threatened by me in the sense that I wasn't going to date anyone they had their eyes set on. The amount of straight, hot guys was small and some of them had girlfriends back home so when news broke that that relationship was over it was my job to be wingman for my college besties and help them out. In college I had two people visit me, one of the 5 girls and my boyfriend. My friend only stayed for 4 days and I sobbed when she left. When I came home from college there wasn't too much change, all of my time was either work or the bf and that was about it. When that bf and I finally broke up I started hanging out with my friends again and they were all nice enough to fit me back into whatever lives and friends they were a part of. The 5 of us would always get together for christmas, birthdays or randomly but I mostly hung out with all of them separately.  Only recently did I realize why.

Still to this day, coming into our 30th year of life, being friends for more than half of our lives, I turn to each one for different things. These are all traits in them that I cherish and what sets them apart. I can go to lunch or breakfast with any of them or text any of them the weirdest thing I just saw,but, it's the big things, the decisions, something that I need opinions on. When we are together we are all supportive and respectful of each other and no one's opinion agreed or not is disregarded and that is what I love. They have all grown up to be amazing women that I am proud to call friends. 

Now with life blossoming with careers, school, relationships and children we might not talk every day but I know that they are there. When I'm sad they'll talk to me at 1am. When I've just given birth they'll bring me homemade breakfast to the hospital at 6 am before they go to work or go to Trader Joes and stock my fridge before I come home. When I'm going crazy and they randomly call me because they wanna come play with my kids so I can go out with my husband. When I do a show they'll be there whether it's great or not. When some one needs to vent, someone is there with a bottle of wine. When something amazing happens, we are there. When something bad happens, we are there. It doesn't matter who else your friends are friends with. I realized the meaning of a "best friend" is being the best friend you can possibly be to each other. They are the ones that will tell you you have green shit in your teeth and then proceed to get it out for you. Those are my friends. 

After Shelagh & Nic's wedding; Shelagh was a bit busy :)

My baby shower; Stef left early for work

don't forget about your friends. you will always need them and they will always need you.
be well
xoL

She Wants To Move

I love the gym. I love the cardio machines, free weights, classes and, just recently realizing, I can shower while my kids are in child care. I know there are people that despise the gym and the atmosphere in the facility. I, too, am not a fan of the douchers that creep the free weight rooms curling 100lb dumbbells once, failing to re-rack and have chicken legs because they fail to remember the lower half of their masterpiece needs attention too. Classic tale: When I worked for 24 Hour Fitness I would work out usually at night around 8 or 9 when I got off. It just depended on what my schedule was but I definitely tried my hardest to avoid peak times for two reasons; it was busy and I liked working then and the stereotypical doucher entered then; a good audience for his killer traps and the thousand shrugs he did to maintain. One time, ONE TIME, I tried to get lift on during this time of day, I got my 10lb weights and assumed the position on a bench on my back ready to start some chest presses. Second set in, I see there are hands helping mine and sweaty basketball shorts touching the crown of my head. Taking my earbuds out, I sat up, "Can I help you?", "Uuuuhhhh, yea, yea, you can. You need a spot?", "I think I'll be good with this 10lbs. thanks, though.", "So, you wanna work out together? We can mix in. I see you're doing chest. I can do chest today", "No, but, thanks. Have a good work out.", "Bitch."...aw, shucks, he probably won't ask me out now (he did, another day, yes, I declined.) The gym isn't the only option for exercise; it's just what I prefer.

I like group exercise classes like spin or boxing because it's a solid 45 minutes you're doing cardio and sometimes it's nice to get off the hamster wheel. Moving with other people is a good motivator because you 1) don't wanna be the one to crap out and leave and 2) there's always some bouncy, toned bitch in the front that makes you either work harder because you wanna look like her or you want to get stronger and better than her so you can then assume her role in class. I was the bouncy bitch in front; now I'm the fatty in the back. I tried Zumba, it was fun but I think it might be more fun if I was doing it with a friend or maybe the teacher wasn't the greatest. I've done it a couple of times with different teachers, I'm just not into it. I'm not really into any of the cardio dance classes, weird right? Being a dancer my whole life it's just not my deal. Like I said though, maybe if I was taking it with a buddy it may be more fun. 

Yoga and Pilates. Love. I started doing yoga when I was 16 with one of my besties Kristina. I really liked it but some of the poses and breathing got the best of 2 16 year old girls and as hard as we tried we just giggled too much. I really started loving it when I went by myself. Just feeling like it wasn't the time to think about what I ate that day or who was mad at me at school or who I was trying to impress and what they thought; just time to breathe and re-ground myself. My favorite part of class is the last 15 minutes of savasana (corpse pose) and meditation. Now, I've never been able to completely clear my mind and just meditate. I've tried; I've tried hard. hmmmm...maybe I'm trying too hard. It will come one day; I'll get it. Anyhow, pilates was really easy for me to latch onto coming from a dance background. I'm more into the mat classes but that is mainly because I've never been able to afford the reformer sessions. Once you get the hang of yoga and pilates it's easy to do at home on your own. I did yoga and pilates during both pregnancies, more with #2 because I had more confidence in what my body was capable of during pregnancy. The hours I was in labor with Oliver with no meds my yoga breath helped, doing certain poses helped. If you start doing anything, start with a walk and a beginners yoga class, not dvd, a class. trust me. 

I am currently going to the gym at least 4-5 days a week. Sometimes I roll solo but I usually wait for the husby to come with. The days I, for whatever reason, can't make it I do p90x. That is some intense stuff, good, but intense. I have quite an addictive personality and the soreness and burn you feel after a workout is addicting. Also, hummus, that shit is addicting too, but make your own, it's better. Any how, always trust your body and listen to it, don't ignore signs of fatigue or distress. I've seen people drop dead on treadmills; it's not fun for anyone. Don't be afraid to to do a beginner class in anything, start easy, no need to start advanced and get hurt. Pushing yourself to go farther and get better at something is great but that takes time. Over doing it is completely different, recognize the difference with yourself. And just because you did whatever in high school doesn't mean you can do it the same way 10 years later. Quality vs. Quantity; better quality is more beneficial than doing 1000 crunches wrong. that is when you get hurt. Pace yourself, it's okay!

 

"You are worthy of good health. It's never too late."- say that to yourself in the mirror. 

be well

xoL

Lucky I'm In Love (With My Best Friend)

I'm not one that takes compliments well. I know you're just supposed to say thank you but I can never manage to get that out properly. It's annoying. Today I received one of the best compliments of my life. Here's the story:
When Kenny and I first met I was a vegan and he was...well, Minnesotan. Meat, potato, meat, cheese, drive thru, cheese, meat, carb. He's built for the tundra, tall with big broad shoulders, fuzzy and an appetite that will keep you warm. He has never been over-weight, of course that sweet pregnancy weight that men acquire but nothing dangerous. You know though, skinny doesn't mean healthy or in shape. When I was about four months pregs with Juder I had this incredible craving for meat. Not chicken or a turkey sammie, like, a giant, fat, rare rib eye or a thick, juicy hamburger. Without researching a vegan/veggie pregnancy, I was encouraged by my Dr to give into the craving, that I was too anemic (true) to not eat meat during pregnancy (false). So give in I did, any kind of meat I went for and I never got sick. Well, I had crazy morning sickness but that was it, literally in the morning and that was all. So with me eating meat and dairy there was no reason for him to eat differently. Same story for baby part deux, high animal protein based diet and Kenny mixed in a few fries and pizza.
After I had Oliver I was going crazy being at home alone with the kids all day. Jude doesn't go to school and you can only go to so many play dates. So with research I found that the YMCA's child watch center takes children as young as 6 weeks! UH-mazing! So I convinced Kenny, an anti-gym kind of guy, to enroll all of us for the family program. After going a few times he was totally into it. Guys, going to the gym with your significant other is a good time. Just sayin. Moving along, his diet changed, his energy changed, his body tone is changing, it's all so wonderful to witness. I am super proud of him and what he's doing. This is where the compliment comes in.
This morning I woke up with a cold (boo) so I skipped the gym, he went and carted Oliver with him. I made a trip to Sprouts to load up on fruit&veg. We sat down to watch "The Ides of March" (great flick) and he turns to me and says, "I feel so good, like alive, and it's because of you. I've never felt this good and I do it for you. I love you."
Love, right? After having a shitty day yesterday and feeling ill, I couldn't have felt better; knowing what I do is actually effective and contagious is the best compliment I could ever receive.

Give someone a compliment. You never know how much it really means to them.
be well
xoL