Soul Meets Body

A little more than one month has gone by since I've started this virtual journey and I have to confess... I ate cheese! AHHHHHHHH!!!! Kidding. Well, not kidding actually, I did eat it. Twice. Once was an accident...huh? how do you "accidentally" eat cheese? Mindless eating is what I came to, I was making Jude a sammie and there was a little extra piece left and I just, mindlessly, shoved that cheddar down my trap. When I realized what I did it was kind of a wake up, as in, think, think before you do. The second ingestion was completely deliberate and a moment of PMS induced insanity, I wanted a calzone...What the F***k? Yea, I wanted a gooey, stringy, cheesy calzone. I got through almost half of it and realized I was already feeling sick. I put that baby in the trash and made some tea. That was this last Saturday night. Sunday I resumed with my normal breakfast of smashed avo on toast and a veggie drink for lunch. I invited my mom over to watch the Superbowl with me seeing that I was alone and couldn't emotionally handle Madonna by myself, oh, and I guess the game. I planned on making stir fry but when she called she asked if I minded she bring chips and onion dip, her favsie, I said, "Of course!" Well, an hour later she was at the store, Oliver was asleep on me and she mentioned just getting frozen pizzas instead of me having to cook. Yes, much easier, sounds good. You see, in our home when the clock strikes 5:30 the witching hour begins. Jude isn't a napper so by this time he is getting whiny and quite the pain in my rear. Oliver goes to bed at 7 so his dinner is around then, it's game time here so, frozen pizza? sure. She brought over a Margherita pizza for Jude and herself and an Amy's vegan pizza for me, I was relieved when I saw that. After the night before, when I officially divorced cheese, I was looking forward to just picking that bitch off my pie, but, no worries, mommy comes through as always. As the game progressed I thought, "eh, what's a little sour cream and a couple chips," so I go for it. ugggghhhhhh. For the past few days since my moments of insanity I've been irritable, kinda cloudy, basically feeling like I've had a hangover except for the fact I didn't drink. Now I know and knowing is half the battle. Thanks GI Joe.

When I was talking to the husby about putting down the bottle, he was supportive but didn't completely understand why I was making that choice. I explained what the plan was, no drink for 28 days, which landed on my friends wedding. I could drink if I wanted and wouldn't beat myself up about it. In the next days he didn't drink until the following week when he wanted beer, I think we were watching a game or something. Out of respect, he asked if I minded him drinking and if I did, he wouldn't, didn't want to tempt me or make me feel badly. I appreciated his courtesy and took it as a test, I passed although it was hard to not have just a sip. When the time came for the wedding, cocktail hour was upon us and I ordered a glass of red. I babysat the full glass for a while in fear simply because I was afraid now. I hadn't drank in a while, I felt like the a teen girl in a Lifetime movie with her peers pressuring her to drink and "let loose", except the peers happen to be my own brain, and then, bottom's up! It was an open bar so I told myself not to go to the bar myself and only get a drink if someone offers to go get it, no hard liquor and drink plenty of water. I ended up having about 3 glasses over the course of 5 hours, not bad for moi. I got a little buzzed but definitely sober enough to realize my KT took full advantage of the bar service. He paid for it the next morning and I laughed at him, it felt good. Geez, Linds, that's not nice! Eh, pish posh! I have, and never have had, remorse for people with hangovers. Even with myself, I did this to myself, you did that to yourself, now we pay. I'm cool with not spending my day miserable.
So, a month later I say boo to dairy for reals and alcohol and I have definitely broke up but I'm confident knowing that I can be around it and control myself weather it be not having any or having just one. I'm okay with not drinking and I'm okay being sociable and sober, turns out I'm pretty rad either way. I feel like everything is aligning, like the clay is still being formed but definitely resembling something familiar.  It isn't just following through with what I said I was going to do now, I've been doing it. I allowed mistakes and I learned, that's pretty big. It's all happening.

Keep on keepin' on ;)
be well
xoL