Constant Craving

At the beginning of the year I introduced a life style change and while I whole heartedly believe that a plant based diet is the best for the body to enrich and alkalize the body. After being a vegan again, this time for just about 9 months, I've started to mix in lean proteins such as fish and chicken. After feeling really sick and tired and craving a steak like a lion in the jungle, I gave in. I feel a thousand percent more energetic and satisfied. I also noticed when working full time and managing every one's schedules and still settling in to our new life, I was not as and could not get as prepared as I used to be. Sure I could make everything at 10pm when I got home but sitting on the couch with my husband sounded better. I still feel like if I follow a meatless monday and keep the meats to an occasional fare I won't feel like I failed completely. I'm not saying I'm stocking up on ground beef and Hamburger Helper, just being more flexible. I still don't do dairy, no need for any of that and still making veg the plate majority. Sounds pretty balanced to me. So, that's where I'm at now.

labels are for products, not people.

be well

xoL

it's not easy being green

It's not.
It's been almost two months since we moved to Paso Robles. It's great. I've locked down a job at Paso Robles Sports Club as their front desk associate. Also, working with Class Act Dance and School of Performing Arts as a sub and assistant in some classes; still kind of getting my feet wet with them. They are a super classy studio with great ethics, very important, and beautiful dancers. They have a great group of young dancers I'm excited to work with in the upcoming season. The owner and ballet director is a wonderful woman and the jazz director is great too. I'll be a lucky lady to secure the position I'm hoping for with them. The boys are doing great; Oliver is walking and becoming pretty chatty. Jude loves his new gym and has all of the coaches loving him, my sweet little clown. Kenny is super happy at work. Now that I have a job we can seriously look at places.
So all in all we're good.
I, however, have been pretty flexible on the vegan tip. Cheese in this, bites of fish, random shit...not as dedicated as I was before. Not because I don't have time but I've had to succumb to the fact that I don't have a fridge. I don't have my pantry. I don't have a whole lot of money. I had to buy a real bra yesterday; like one with cups and lining and stuff. I haven't had a normal size bra in a while. All good things, however, that costs. My dance pants, yoga pants, whatever, they had holes and were sliding off my hips. All good things, however, that costs. On my feet all day at work, inserts didn't work, need new shoes. All things I didn't take into account. These new expenses put a bit of a damper on the pantry. It's cheap being a vegan; fruit, veg, grain, the occasional fake meat deal. Without the space and limited cash flow it's hard to maintain. I'm not saying I'm eating fish sammies and cheese balls but if it means I can get comfy work shoes, i'm giving in. I was just not eating... that wasn't fun. Maybe I'm doing better than I think. I mean, I do have to make my own dinner 90% of the time. Now that I'm working larabars are my friends, my nalgene is always with me. The sports club lets me use their vitamix for my green smoothies in the a.m. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I'm just dying for my own space.

I feel better now that I got that out.
Thanks :)
xoL

Bon Jour!

Little town, it's a quiet village; every day like the one before. Little town full of little people waking up to say... Bon Jour!
-Belle, Beauty and the Beast

Ok, so that might be what plays in my head every time I drive around town and it might be a little dramatic as I don't remember a Kohl's and a Wal-Mart in Belle's village, nevertheless, this place is teeny tiny and very nice. I mean, it is aesthetically nice but the people are ridiculously nice. Obviously there are a few randoms that don't immediately greet you with a "hey, hello, how are ya!" but they will ask you about the contents of your cart or bring up the fact after reading your unchanged drivers license that you are not from here and Paso is much better than anywhere around LA. When that happens, in my head, is I'm a brown lip lined, flat billed dodger hat wearing chick with gold charmed wrists and I throw up a "LA" flashing my bedazzled acrylics and end it in "what?!" chest pop. Guys, there's a lot that happens in my head. What actually happens is I politely say, "Well, it seems to be a lot different." And I push my cart away, rolling my eyes under my sunglasses.
But let's get real. This place is pretty fly. The cutest homes line streets like Pine, Chestnut, Vine, Park and Oak; 90% are all craftsman style with porches and fenced yards. There are some areas where there aren't even sidewalks. Stop signs up the wahzoo, and if you live downtown you are walking distance to all the fun. Every Tuesday afternoon and Saturday morning there is a farmer's market. Tuesday's is a bit small carrying just some essentials like bread, fruit and veg. Saturday is when everyone comes to play. Tamales, jerky, raw, honey, crafts, art, jewels, and the standard fruit and veg. I went yesterday afternoon with my mother-in-law, Le Ann to my first Tuesday Market. It was glorious. Some cabbages the size of a globe, purple and green next to strawberries that looked like rubies piled high. Onions still connected to their stalk nestled between radishes, sweet potatoes and other root veggies. Bags of spinach and arugula, curly kale, dinosaur kale, swiss chard all for two dollars a bunch. So you say, um, Linds, I can get Kale for 99cents at the store. Sure, what? like 7 stems? Please. Childs play. This is more than 12 stems of kale and chard. I get super pumped about veggies, so sue me. I will be able to get enough fruit and veg for myself and family for a week with a $20 bill. I know farmers markets aren't some new invention but I've never been to one with such a variety. The closest I've seen is the Union Square one in NY; I like that one. I'm going to the one in SLO next week, it's supposedly ranked like, number two in the world. I'm down!
Besides fruit and veggies and nice people, everything is going very well. The husby is so in love with his job which I haven't seen in a very long time; it's very refreshing. We joined Planet Fitness a couple weeks ago. I go everyday, KT joins in when he can. I've just been hired for choreography and director support for Young Performers Theater (YoungPerformersTheater.com). It's a pretty cool gig, 4 weeks of work, great pay and an option to sign on for the next show. There are a few other things in the works that I won't get into just yet as I don't believe in speaking on it until my name is on the dotted line.

Things are looking up
be well
xoL

Follow The Yellow Brick Road

You know when Dorothy's house is in the middle of the tornado and she wakes up and sees all those that she loves and then some that may frighten her? That's what I feel like. I feel like there is so much going on  all around me and all I'm doing is spinning in circles.

mess

papa and his boys at the diner

We had a small going away party this past Saturday. It was really nice. I cried... a lot...obviously. Then my in-laws took Jude up to Paso with them so it would make packing a little easier. Well, turns out, there's still one here! Oliver, while being the best baby ever, is still a damn baby! What was I thinking!? I should've kept my little pod together. Oh well. My house is a wreck; I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm crying right now just thinking of crying. I'm a fucking mess. Pardon the language but that is just where we are right now. 

We all went to San Pedro's treasure, The Pacific Diner for one last family breakfast with Jude before my in- laws left with him. I said, "eh, eff it, I'm gonna have egg whites" I got a vegetarian omelet with egg whites, avo and ortega chile. I forgot to ask for no cheese so I just ate it as is. So good. I devoured the entire thing; I was so hungry from barely eating the day before, the poor omelet had no chance. I was super full until dinner time when, after packing up the kitchen, we ordered italian; I went for eggplant parm. I normally just get a salad with no cheese so it's just lettuce tomato, mushrooms, olives and cucumbers. Not this time. I still feel sick; it was like my brain stopped working. So lets recount this; Breakfast: eggs and cheese; Lunch: nothing; Dinner: cheese and white pasta. My body went through a major shock and my poor husby paid for it!!! oh man, bad, bad news bears. MIS-ER-UH-BLE!!! I was happy to know that while my body was writhing in intestinal pain it knew that this was bad. My body rejected that shit so fast I was kinda of happy to know that I really am not the same. This old girl has done the work and I can't mess with that. 

Still packing, just thought I'd drop in for a sec. 

be well for me. 

i am not at this moment.

xoL

Tommy Can You Hear Me

You know when you watch Romeo and Juliet or Moulin Rouge you hope that this time Romeo will get the courier or Satine never gets sick? That's what happens every year, for the past nine, that I will wake up on this day and the ending will be different. I can't tell you what I ate for breakfast yesterday but I can tell you what I was doing 10 years ago today. A feature of the human brain Im not too fond of. The days you wish never happened are always the most vivid. It seems fuzzy and dizzying at the moment and yet, the next time you think of that time it's as clear as a freshly cleaned window. I was at my boyfriends house, sitting in his garage drinking Jack and Cokes. There was a lingering smell of stale cigarettes and bong water. I was wearing jeans and a oversized quicksilver hoodie. My boyfriend's dad came to the door on the side of the garage and told me my dad was on the phone. It was pretty late so I knew it could only be one of two things something bad happened or I was in trouble. His voice was low as if he had been asleep, but spoke to me like I was a five year old. I couldn't process what he just said so I made him say it again. I repeated back as if I was leaning English for the first time. I had had a drink so he came to get me. We pulled up to my aunts house and my dad gave me some gum in case my breath smelled. When I opened the door everyone looked up with red, teary eyes. I made my rounds and gave hugs to everyone there. I remember a lot more, in detail even, but I don't like to. So here's what I'm going to remember: My cousin, Tommy, was probably the nicest human on the planet. You see, my dad is significantly younger than his siblings so,we, my sister and I, are also significantly younger than our cousins. They never made me feel that way though. Tommy had one of those personalities that you always wanted around; a smile that would brighten anyone's day; gave the best hugs and always knew when you really needed it. Now, I was the oldest out of the "little cousins" so they all gave be a rough time at some point. " Lindsey sandwich", "Lindsey taco", "Lindsey burrito", I was always caught between Tommy and someone, usually his younger brother Michael. He would bribe me with a dollar to walk on his back or karate chop it and for every minute he would give me a dollar. He once told me I was the best dancer he knew and I would be a star. He lived in Colorado as an adult so his visits were random and sporadic but always the best part of the holiday or whatever brought him here. I'm not a religious person but I do know my cousin, my grampa and my grandmama are all together with the rest of our family. I also know that they are always with me watching over my family and I. 10 years and I still cry. I still can't process what happened. I know that accidents happen; I know that the out come is unpredictable. I was in a terrible accident; bad, like, really bad. Why did I get to live? I saw the pictures of my car. I saw where they cut me out. I woke up in that car because someone was watching over me. I love you cousin. No matter what Esper or my sister say, I know I'm your fav ;) Massive hugs. xoL

The Man Of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts

My mom and dad used to take my sister and I on drives out to Hollywood because I loved it so much and I was going to be a star. I'm not actually sure that's the real reason we went out there and I honestly can't remember doing much else on those days but that's what I'd like to imagine. As soon as we spotted the Hollywood sign from the freeway we would sing, "Hah-llywood, dudunananana nah nu nuh." My mom would start with us and then shortly dropped out because she was over it. I persisted with my dad... I'm sure Jess was there, just not sure what she was doing. Because I watched so many old movies with my grandparents, paternal and maternal, I had this idea of Hollywood as if I was straight off the train from Ohio in 1922. I imagined going to Musso and Frank Grill and sitting in Charlie Chaplin's booth with Mary Pickford and  Douglas Fairbanks drinking martini's while noshing on random stuff the chef brought to our table. I loved it. I was pretty devastated when I saw 'Pretty Woman' for the first time and realized "Hollywoodland" was no more.
One of these drives was April 29, 1992. On our way back into San Pedro, coming down the 110 South we saw fire trucks, fire engines, paramedics; everyone was heading north. My dad says, "Oh man, here come the real men! Was that 48s? I wonder..." As quite a few engines and trucks fly past us, away from their own areas, my mom says quietly, "Ronnie, What the hell is going on?" More flashing lights pass us, my dad whispers, "We gotta get home. I think I'm going to have to go in." I was 9, nearly 10, so obviously I knew everything. Even though they whispered I knew something wasn't right the way my mom sat up in her seat as my dad sped home. We turned on the TV and there it was; South Central, now referred to as South Los Angeles, was ablaze. As the news informed us of what we missed while we were off playing, my dad was calling his station and packing his work bag. It was bad. The only thing I saw was visible terror on TV and my dad was going to it. You see, when I was 5, in kindergarten, it became very clear to me what my dad's occupation was. All I knew then was fire was owie and don't touch. So, my dad goes inside the fire? He voluntarily walks into fire, owie? I freaked. When my dad left the house for work it was like, 5 am, he would always come in and give us a kiss before he left. One time, ONE time, he didn't and I chased his ass out to the garage, setting off the house alarm, to get my goodbye kiss. At five I was already worried that my dad was going to get hurt. Flash forward just five years from that incident to watching the news, as nothing else was on, seeing looting, fires, fights, guns, Marines, National Guard, waiting for my dad to call us at some point to tell us he was ok. My dad was an Engineer at the time so he was the guy outside of the fire manning the pumps and hoses on the engine. Any other time I would be thrilled with this earned rank, however, this week him standing outside of the fire put him in just as much danger as going in. Of course his station was the station right in the middle of it all. He told my mom and I that he was ok and that the knuckle heads throwing bricks at cops weren't doing that to the LAFD. I hated that week.
When my dad finally got to come home he looked like a Zombie. I just remember him sleeping for a while and my mom made sure we didn't bug him. After things calmed down President Bush visited LA and my dad's station, congratulating them on a stellar performance. My grandma has the picture of my dad shaking his hand hanging in her room.
At that time I was unclear of the exact reason those numb skulls started beating Reginald Denny. I kind of knew what happened with the police and Rodney King, kind of. I couldn't comprehend the point of the riots. Protesting gone bad? No fear of authority? Greed? Some people got mad because they didn't agree with a verdict, so you're going to burn your city down? I did not, could not process this. What I did know is what was happening, the riots, not the verdict, was putting my dad, my hero, in danger and that is when I felt hate; true, sad, tunnel visioned, hate. I truly hated that week. I hated that my mom was worried. I hated my dad being gone. I hated the people stealing, looting. I hated the people running with guns in plain sight. I hated the news for taking over not giving a break for something normal. The hate turned to relief when my dad came home. And once the smell of smoke cleared from the air and things started going back to normal, my worry became less and my dad reassured me it was over.
Even though nothing major happened to my dad that week, which I am very grateful for, the fact that the regular fear of "might" or "could" was heightened, was enough. As I grew up I had to change the way I looked at my dad's job to lighten the fear that loomed every time he was on duty. When he made Captain, the whole first one in last one out thing re-started my worries. That's his fault, he should know better than to tell  me that.
My dad is a hero, not just a regular hero like moms and dads are to daughters, like a super hero. 20 years ago my dad and his station helped and saved a lot of people, most of those people were the ones with the guns and stolen loot. The dummies who got shot by the owner of the store they just stole from. Containing a fire so it burns but doesn't get to the elementary school near it. Responding to injured people that were left on the door step of the station. Protecting the LAPD from being assaulted and shot at. I know there are a lot of kids that felt the same way I did that week. Their dads and moms were doing the same thing my dad was. So that is what today means to me. That's the way I remember it.

My dad is in Ireland right now getting my grandparents house together. I believe he is also golfing and hanging out with some family friends. He comes home in a week to return to his daily job of being an everyday hero. It will basically be like when Clark Kent comes out of the phone booth as Superman as my dad gets back into LA. Basically ;)

be well and be kind,
xoL

Home

There's been a lot of chaos and anxiety over here. My house is slowly becoming piles and bags, lists are being made, craigslist is a daily visit, donations are being made...
While I do love San Pedro and will always call it home, Kenny and I have decided to relocate. Cool! Where? Long Beach? Torrance? No, no... We load up a truck on May 25th and drive to our new home in Paso Robles. What the hell? I know, right? I mean, Am I sad? Yes...kind of. I'm really sad that I'll be more than a walk or 3 min drive from my mom and dad. I'm bummed my sister can't just pick me up when she wants to get out. I'm sad to leave my friends, however, I am moving to wine country so I feel like there will be no problem getting them there ;) We went for a visit this last week to meet with some employment opportunities and check out the rental situation. The outcome of those three days showed Kenny and I that it really is all happening; the universe is opening up and showing some love. This is all done for the sake of our little bears. I am very grateful for my husband and his hard work. The last few years have been up and down trying to figure out what we are going to do; careers, school, blah blah blah. And most recently, with him working two jobs and me at home with the kids...boo! But now we see that hard work does pay off.

We knew a long time ago we wouldn't stay in Pedro forever and now the talk has become the walk. We will be staying with Kenny's parents for a spell while looking for a place to live. We will put our stuff in storage up there and for the four of us, I have mapped out a way for us to live with the bare essentials. We are very grateful Kenny's parents are letting us invade their space! We leave on a Friday and Kenny starts working that following Monday. He was just hired this last Tuesday at Central Coast Gymnastics Sports Center, Inc in San Luis Obispo. It's a super legit gymnastics studio with competitive and recreational programs. He'll be coaching some littles and taking on some of their admin stuff. We stopped by there on our way out of town so he could have a chat with the director and we could take a peek inside. They are all very nice people; very welcoming and chill. One of the girls took Jude to jump around on the trampolines; it was hilarious, he loved it, of course! He and Oliver will start there some time after we get there as well. Also, as it turns out, their ballet instructor quit a week ago so I may slide in that spot as well. I've been wanting to go back to work part time, hence the studying, and it seems like it's all going to work out. Kenny's mom, Le Ann, has offered to watch the babes should our schedules conflict for any reason; so maj. Our Juju bear starts pre school in the fall; I can't even handle that mess..."that mess" I'm referring to is me. I've been in contact with some theater connections hoping for the possibility of getting back on stage. It's all very scary and very exciting. 

Paso Robles is in the northern part of San Luis Obispo County; driving from Paso to San Luis Obispo (SLO) is 30 miles. So in LA time that would be what, an hour drive? more or less, usually more. In SLO time it's about 30 minutes. Insanity! It takes me 30 minutes to get to Torrance and that's 10 miles. I'll give you a second to take that in... I know. It's all very pretty up there with great farmer's markets, nice people, good schools; it's very inviting. Now knowing that Kenny will only have to work one awesome job that will take care of us is amazing. I get to go back to work and the boys will be in great schools and a wonderful atmosphere. It's all happening...

To my heart,
Home is where ever I'm with you xo

be well

xoL

Little Bunny FuFu

Jude-3, Oliver-7mo, Liam- nearly 4

Pavlova (left) and Pink Lemonade cupcakes 

Kenny had to work until 1:15pm so I had to do the majority of the cooking and cleaning with my littles, of course, needing more attention than usual. I am the only herbivore in my entire family so my menu for Easter was geared towards the rest of my family. I made Smashed Red Potatoes with Rosemary, asparagus, Strawberry Spinach Salad w/ Sherry Shallot Vinegar, Deviled Eggs and Grilled tri tip, well, the husby was out on the grill station. I also attempted to make Pavlova which is a dessert my mom and grandmama used to make. It's a meringue "cake" with fresh whipped cream, topped with the fresh fruit of your choice. It's a tricky dessert to make; I've tried it once before and it did not come out right, this time was successful. This is the recipe I used from Joy of Baking. You'll notice it calls for sugar in the whipped cream; I left that out and opted for just a hint of vanilla. My mom brought chicken thighs that were breaded with crushed bagel chips and crispix. Prior to breading they get coated in mayo and dijon mustard, Jude loved it. Jess made Alton Brown's recipe for Mac and Cheese and Pink Lemonade cupcakes topped with Peeps and/or "egg" Whoppers. They were really cute. I seasoned the meat the night before so the only thing I really had to do was prep the salad, make the potatoes, deviled eggs and pavlova. I have ZERO counter space so I pull out the old school, built in wood cutting board and place that over the sink to give myself extra space. I used to do that in my tiny NY apts; I think I got that from Food Network or something, I'm not that creative. My cousin showed up super early so he took Jude out side to play and when Kenny finally got home, he came toting a short 3 shot soy latte. Perfect! I got my caffeine on and zipped through the final cleaning touches. I was able to shower... I know, right? Also shaved the arm pits. I know, stop pampering yourself, Lindsey! I put on some mascara and tada! all done :) Well, I did put clothes on and fixed my hair a bit but that's about it. I was EXhausted by the time 7pm came around; everyone left around then, I cleaned up, poured myself a glass of wine and then..UYGFKBSCEBCVUKEYFGKUYGCUDHGVCKZDHGVSEUBCSEKUHFBVIUHEF!!!!!!
what?? what the hell?? Some cholo muthas start gettin cray in the street and beating the shit out of each other. Of course the chicks involved are yelling and fighting bla bla bla. Way to go dummies! What has two thumbs and WILL call upon law enforcement??? THIS GIRL. "Fight in your own damn house, don't bring your drama out on my street!"...That was over heard from another neighbor. I am a lady. ;) Just another fine family holiday. The madness finally calmed down so I did some yoga and had Kenny assist with some deeper stretches. Sat on the couch drank my wine and fell asleep. I could still use a nap.

Hope every one's Easter was as fun as mine
be well
xoL

Deviled Eggs

8 hard boiled eggs
1 tsp dried dill or sweet relish
1/4 c Vegenaise
1/8 c yellow mustard
S&P to taste
8 shakes of Tabasco (you can decrease if you don't like spicy)
paprika to garnish

Let your hard boiled eggs cool completely. Halve your eggs and drop yokes into a gallon ziplock bag; smash the yolks with your hands from the outside of the bag. Add the rest of the ingredients to the yolks and combine by smushing it all together just they way you broke up the yolks. Bring the yolk mixture to one bottom corner of the bag, I use the back of a butter knife to get all of it over. Twist the rest of the bag making your own pastry bag. Using scissors cut the corner off to your desired thickness to pipe the mixture into the egg white. If you have a pastry bag with tips obviously, use that and mix the stuff in a bowl. Pour about a tbsp of paprika in your palm and sprinkle over piped eggs. Serve :)

Smashed Red Potatoes with Rosemary

2 lbs red potatoes
1 1/2 cups unsweetened soy milk
1/2 cup earth balance butter
1 tbsp dried rosemary
1 tbsp S&P

Chop potatoes into 1/4 in chunks, if you have a little guy in there just toss him in. I left all the skins on. Put potatoes in a large pot and fill with cold water. Make sure the water covers the potatoes, cook the potatoes until fork tender. Drain most of the water out; just leave about half an inch of water at the bottom of the pot. This is starchy water now; instead of adding more fat this will help smooth your potatoes. Add S&P and with a potato masher start smashing adding the soy milk in small increments. Somewhere in the middle of smashing add rosemary and butter. I added butter a 1/4 cup at a time. I like it chunky but you can make it as smooth as you like.